In the heterosexual sense, there is such thing called gender roles. It is assigned to each individual and the individual is expected to act on the assigned role for example being masculine and feminine. Gender roles are there, because according to some people, it places things “in order”. When gender roles are not followed, then there is chaos, i.e. confusion.
In the LGBT circle, most especially in the lesbian circle ( because that’s where I belong), there are still gender roles. Most people I meet would always ask me “So, who’s the playing the feminine or masculine role between the 2 of you?”. Well, I always had a butch girlfriend (whether hardcore butch or soft butch) not because I want to have portray specific gender roles but because it happened as it is. But with that question being asked to me, I would usually say “I am the more feminine because I tend to dress girly sometimes”.
The question here is: Does it really matter whether you are in a butch to femme, femme to femme or butch to butch kind of relationship?
I bet most lesbians out there gross out with the idea of butch to butch or femme to femme relationships. I remember, whenever I log on to the local lesbian chatroom, this issue always pop up. The butches would always say that f2fs or femme-femme relationships only make the butches ability to get a lover lessens. There is a running joke that there is already a scarcity of femmes because of these f2f relationships. Well I cannot blame them. Most f2fs would tell me that because it is discreet. When they are with butches, the “straight people” would already judge them as a lesbian’s lover. (take note that most of the heterosexuals would usually say that the butches are the only lesbians… they are wrong). I think that the L Word, the TV series, actually contributed to the growing number of f2fs as most of the characters in the show portray lesbians who wear feminine clothes. Probably this could be an area of research in the field of media studies.
Actually for me, it doesn’t really matter. The reason I am in a lesbian relationship is not because I am patterning myself to the “heterosexual kind of relationship” which has to comply to gender roles. Why should I limit myself to fall in love to a butch lesbian when I can fall in love with a person who is feminine looking? f2fs or b2bs relationships are actually deviate from the “mainstream” kind of lesbian relationship. Well even though I am in a butch-femme relationship, we don’t portray much gender roles. My girlfriend doesn’t wear feminine clothes like me but we are equal. What is important is the love and respect you have for each other. You just have to free your mind that everything is possible, even f2fs and b2bs.